Come find me

Jimmy's 23rd birthday was on the 1st- Happy Birthday!
I got him the 18 month Moleskine planner he's been looking all over for.
Nala our new puppy is starting to get very large.
A grandmother scolded Jimmy because Nala jumped on her grandaughter to play and scratched the girl.
We celebrated cinco de mayo with bulgogi tacos and coronas.
My laundry has accumulated to unforeseen proportions.
It is Zeta Sis week and I have not met my little yet.
I'm really poor now; I'm desperately searching for a writing job.
While searching for said job via zotlink I came across a PHONE ACTRESS position.
Kikki got fed her first pinky yesterday.
She ate two and was still hungry.
Jimmy found out that Kikko's strange burial behavior is due to his hibernation.
It's 2pm.
I woke up 2 hours ago and went to bed at 4am.
I still have not showered yet.

This past weekend has been a most difficult endeavor, testing my strength and courage and I ultimately fail in my own respects. My failure lays in my lack of control, in the ever swollen contents of a tired and forsaken body. And in my weakness, I am merely-- no. I am ferociously begging for saving. I have replaced the word of God for my Father, whom I feel can hear me better from the corner of my bed sheets, who answers me more often, who speaks louder. This past weekend I have asked him for more life than I have ever prayed for before. Once ushering for quiet, forever sleep I began asking him a series of questions, and finally to please give me strength to endure. To live better and to feel well. But today I feel at a loss for words, no questions, no prayers, like it once was before I ever forgave myself and forbade myself from the easy exits of the past. Before, I delved into self sacrifice; before, I soaked in the demeaning persons of history, and now, I feel it just the same. Like a wave of sudden consciousness telling me This is how it is, how it always will be. I fear that I will fall eagerly in celebration of the morbidity of my current state. Enjoy it, indulge in it, find solace in the warm embraces of loneliness and the softening of my mind. I'm retreating back into a past mindset with ease, like walking through a meadow of happiness, like all the other annoyingly optimistic people I witness basking in a ray of stupidity. The only difference being, the meadow is dead-- or dying, the grass a parched gold and the stream only small gleams of dirty puddles. But this is what I like, and I find it easy, and comforting. I've come home.


Hello Darkness my old friend.